JEDI MELAYU : SATRIA REPUBLIK TUA II



                              

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Intro Masked Rider Kabuto



DISCLAIMER Some of the writing are works of fiction. The events described in this work are fabricated and the author assumes no responsibility for the validity of the information. Writer does not own or claim any rights to the characters found in some of his Fan-Fiction.




PROFILE



Full Name: The Exile

Nickname: Si Pelarian/Jedi Melayu/Darth Revan/TheExile

Date of birth: Tak tahu, tak pernah ada surat beranak

Nationality: Malaysian ( taraf penduduk sementara )

Race: Human

Occupation: Ex-Jedi, sekarang nih nak apply jadik member ZECT

Status: Single with long term relationship with Young Ae (perasan)

Hobbies: Constructing, repairing and swinging my lightsaber, watching DJG DVD, Japanese Dorama, play video games (X-Box,PSone, PS2, PC ), picking my nose hole.

Fav Singer/Band : Boyz II Men, 98 Degrees, Innuendo, Puddle Of Mud, Sudirman, P Ramlee, Metallica

Fav actor and actress: Lee Young Ae, Stephen Chow Sing Chi, Jet Li, Jacky Chan, Kimura Takuya, Jang Hyuk, Kristen (ala.. heroin SpiderMan tuee.. )

For Full Profile Please Click Here




About this Blog :
This is the place where I pour out several of my thoughts on the world and on my own sweet life. It is intended to be a place where I could share some of my inner child and not so secret stuff. The writer will be remain mysterious to others, especially to the readers. Only his family and close friend knows what's own his clouded mind. This blog also will be a medium of my creativity. All of the Fan-Fiction wrote by me are based on Star Wars : Knight of the Old Republic II video games exclusive on X-Box, published by LucasArts and developed by Obsidian Software. I would like to state that eventhough it was based on the game, but I would not hold responsibility of any error. Don't sue me because you will get nothing out of me.





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My Precious, Young Ae




My precious,
As the moon and the stars were meant for each others,
Like the wind and the clouds over the wide blue sky,
That痴 how I dreamt of how we could be,
the dream that I wished I would never have awaken.
Every time I looked at you,
I have fallen to the endless pit of love.
Every moment I think of you
Oh, I hope I would be the one
to cherish you for the lifetime.

Thousand years would never have enough to love you,
Like the wave upon the white sand beach
is how my heart ache to be with you.
Looking at you was like looking at the mirror
how close it was to reality
but then how far for me to reach
Your heart so precious,
as a rarest gem in this world.
Your gracefulness has taken my soul,
Your softness has melt my very being,
Oh how I have longed for you,
My precious..


-azmirmagnus-
(on the rooftop, drinking coffee, eating wind,dreaming away..)
Secretary of The Stingy Old People Association of Malaysia
滴ey, where痴 my angpow? Hey why you so like that??lt;/i>



** My Blog Friends **

Dae Jang Guem aka Jewel In The Palace
Hidegulz - reviews on M'sia Reality TV
**__Miz_cha's DJG Blog__**
kema's blog
anakomak

** My favourite place **

Chicago Korean Drama FC Forum
Gamefaq.com
IGN.com
Oyak.net
Dae Jang Geum Yahoo! Group

** Credits and Thanks **

FileDen -- for hosting my MP3s and RadioBlog
RadioBlog Forum and Files -- for step by step instruction on how to install a radioblog
BlogDrive -- for hosting my blog
BlogDrive Design - for helping me designing my blog
Star Wars Smileys


Something to take note of : The author aka the writer aka Si Pelarian or known at other's tag board as JediMelayu or TheExile will be remain as what you know him. Nothing really personal thoughts, feeling or quotes ever been leaked to anybody. Any claims of knowing the writer personally are remain to be totally hoax until the writer says otherwise. All comments are welcome, and appreciated, if, it meant no harm. Writer is an anti gay, les, bisex and all abnormal behaviour except being crazy mentally and physically but would never take it to another person to cause conflict. The writer respect all other's opinion, religion, race and country. A war not to be made but to be avoid. If any dispute and disagreement are unavoidable, well, the writer will gladly say, " BRING IT ON!!".





Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Ken Hirai - Elegy

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Sekarang nih Astro (Ass-Throw) ada new channel iaitu Animax. Channel yang khas untuk anime lovers cam aku walaupun bukan sumer anime yang tersiar aku suker. Tapi yang pasti mulai 9 March 2007 Channel Animax mula tayangkan Music Station, iaitu music show dimana artis-artis Jepun akan perform secara live.

Pada minggu lalu 16 March 2007, aku tengok Ken Hirai punya persembahan di Music Station. Dia menyanyikan lagu terbarunya iaitu Elegy. Aku sebenarnya tak minat dengan Ken Hirai, tapi lagi nih amat menarik bagi aku. Press Play untuk dengar lagu Elegy by Ken Hirai.

Dari perbualan Ken Hirai dengan 2 orang hos Music Station, dia mengatakan yang lagu nih merupakan lagu yang dinyanyikan dari pandangan seorang wanita. Masa dia perform, ada subtittle kat bawah jadi aku boleh faham apa yang terkandung dalam lyric Elegy nih. Bagi aku biasa je.. Baik laki ke, pompuan ke.. bleh per nyanyi lagu nih.. Eheh.. entahlah... cuma opinion aku jer. Kat bawah nih adalah lyricnya yang berjaya aku cilok dari site nih.


ELEGY - KEN HIRAI

Shigami tsuita senaka ni
Sotto tsume wo tatete
Watashi wo kizami konda
Motto yumi no naka he
Hira hira maichiru hanabira ga hitotsu
Yura yura samayoi yukiba wo nakushita
Sono te de sono te de watashi wo yogoshite
Nandomo nandomo watashi wo kowashite
Asebamu samishisa wo kasaneawase
Mabushikute mienai yami ni ochiteku
Itsuka horobiru ku kono karada naraba
Mushibamaretai anata no ai de

Kono yamai ni namae ga
Areba raku ni nareru
Hamidasu koto ga kowai
Douka mure no naka he
Hira hira maichiru hanabira ga hitotsu
Yura yura samayoi anata wo mitsuketa
kono te de kono te de anata wo yogoshite
Nando mo nandomo anata ni oborete
Senaka awaseno fuan to yorokobi
Nami uchi nagara watashi wo tsukisasu
Itsuka kieteyuku kono omoi naraba
Ima hikisaite anata no ai de

Sono te de sono te de watashi wo yogoshite
Nandomo nandomo watashi wo kowashite
Asebamu samishisa wo kasaneawase
Mabushikute mienai yami ni ochiteku
Itsuka horobiruku kono karada naraba
Mushibamaretai anata no ai de

watashi wo... yogoshite...
Sono te de... sono te de...

 

ELEGY - KEN HIRAI (ENGLISH TRANSLATION)

As I clung to you, you dug your nails into my back
And carved me, taking me deeper into a dream

One of the fluttering, scattering flower petals
Wavers, wanders, it。ヲs lost its place

Dirty me with your hands, with your hands
Break me again and again, again and again
We put our two sweaty lonelinesses together
And fall into a bright, invisible darkness
If my body。ヲs going to die one day
Then I want it to rot from your love

I。ヲd feel better if this sickness had a name
I。ヲm afraid to stick out, I move into the crowd somehow
One of the fluttering, scattering flower petals
Wavers, wanders, I。ヲve found you

I。ヲll dirty you with my hands, with my hands
And drown in you again and again, again and again
Our two backs together gives me anxiety and happiness
That comes in waves, penetrating me
If this love。ヲs going to die someday
Tear me apart now with your love

Dirty me with your hands, with your hands
Break me again and again, again and again
We put our two sweaty lonelinesses together
And fall into a bright, invisible darkness
If my body。ヲs going to die one day
Then I want it to rot from your love
With your hands, dirty me, dirty me


Ehehe.. entah naper aku nyer blog tetiber tukar jadik music blog plak. Alah sementara jer.. sementara aku nyer lagu dalam radio blog tuh upload. Sebab aku tak rajin nak masuk host server aku maka sumer files telah dipadamkan oleh server tuh. Jahanam sungguh. Tapi takper.. aku ingat nak try upload kat server lain plak. Tapi tunggu komputer aku sihat dulu. Ehehe...


Si Pelarian swinging his LightSaber on 11:10 am
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Monday, March 19, 2007
Mari update blog

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Marah tol aku dengan diri aku sendirik.. Tadi aku baru jer lepas taip berjela-jela dalam blog aku.. termasuk mengutuk bebudak AF5. Alih-alih aku tersalah tekan BACK dan sekarang aku kena taip lagi sekali plak.. bangang sungguh aku. Eheheh.

Aku sekarang nih tengah sibuk download manga H2.. lepas nih nak carik plak manhwa Goong. Manhwa tuh adalah komik korea. Dan Goong plak adalah tajuk manhwa tuh. Goong adalah nama sebenar untuk Princess Hour. Ye sedara sedari.. Princess Hour yang ditayangkan kat TV sekarang nih sebenarnya berasal dari manhwa.

Dah hampir setahun DVD Nana ada kat rumah aku.. tapi cuma baru-baru nih jer aku dapat tengok. Best gak ler lagu lagu nya. Sekarang nih aku tengah dengar dari Radio Blog Club lagu Endless Story by Reira starring Yuna Ito. Try click play di bawah untuk dengar lagunya. Best tau.. menjilat jari.. ehehehe

Lagu ni lagu Trapnest masa kedua-dua Nana pergi konsert Trapnest. Tengah2 lagu both Nana cried.. Nana ( Mika Nakashima ) cried maybe because the song (i think) remind her of Ren and Ren's feeling towards her. And Nana aka Hachi (starred by Miyazaki Aoi) cried maybe because she was moved by the affection shown by Nana and maybe because of the song.


ENDLESS STORY REIRA starring YUNA ITO
Lyrics: D.A.THOMAS
Music: D.A.THOMAS
Romaji & English translation by: cori
 

From the single, ENDLESS STORY

If you haven't changed your mind
soba ni ite hoshii yo  Tonight
。・☆。・☆・。。・☆。・☆・。
 
If you haven't changed your mind
  I want you to be by my side  Tonight


tsuyogaru koto ni tsukareta no
osanasugita no  Everytime I think about you baby
ima nara ieru  I miss you
It is hard to say I'm sorry
。・☆。・☆・。。・☆。・☆・。
 
I was tired of acting strong
  I was too young  Everytime I think about you baby
  Now I can tell you that  I miss you
  It is hard to say I'm sorry


* tatoeba  dareka no tame ja naku  anata no tame ni
utaitai  kono uta wo
owaranai  story  tsudzuku kono kagayaki ni
Always  tsutaetai  zutto eien ni
。・☆。・☆・。。・☆。・☆・。
 
For instance, I want to sing this song
  not for someone else, but for you
  The endless story continues into this radiance
  I always want to tell you always, forever


Memories of our time together
kesanaide  kono mama  don't go away
。・☆。・☆・。。・☆。・☆・。
 
Memories of our time together
  don't disappear, they stay like this, they don't go away


atatakaku tokedashite  tashikameru no
yasashisa no shizuku  kono mune ni hirogatteku
setsunai hodo ni  I'm missin' you
kasaneta te  hanasanaide
。・☆。・☆・。。・☆。・☆・。
 
Beginning to melt warmly & make certain,
  the drops of kindness spread on my chest
  I'm missin' you so much that I'm sad
  Don't let go of my hand upon yours


tatoeba  kanau nara  mou ichido anata no tame ni
utaitai  kono uta wo
owaranai  story  taema nai itoshisa de
tell me why  oshiete yo  zutto eien ni
。・☆。・☆・。。・☆。・☆・。
 
For instance, if the wish comes true,
  I want to sing this song for you again
  The endless story with an endless love
  tell me why  tell me  always & forever


* repeat



Aku dapat tawaran untuk pergi kursus Keusahawanan yang dianjurkan oleh Mara. Kursus selama seminggu yang diadakan di Hotel Seri Malaysia, Bagan Lallang, Sepang dengan yuran cuma RM150.00 termasuk makan minum. Murah kan? Tapi bleh pergi ke? Adusss...


Si Pelarian swinging his LightSaber on 10:59 am
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Thursday, March 08, 2007
Entri yang julung julung kalinya, eheh

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Ahhh.. berapa lama daa wa tak update ini blog. Rasa berbulan gak ler wa tak jenguk mahligai mewah wa ni.. naik berabuk dah. Lantak pi la.. bukannya ada orang datang, ye tak?

Ahhh... aku demam lagi. Kali ni demam Princess Hours plak. Sekarang nih sambil menaip sambil baca komik (manhwa as they call it in Korean) Princess Hours. Eheh.. dari ada satu laman web tuh ler..  Aku dah ada DVD Princess Hours, so takyah tunggu 8TV punya lagi. Lagi pun tengok kat TV nih boring.. dah ler iklan banyak, dubbing plak tuh. Hilang mood aku.

Yoon Eun Hye so cute. Walaupun not as beautiful and elegent and perfect and enchanting as Lee Young Ae.. tapi she still make me dreaming of her. Unlike Lee Young Ae, i completely loss my sleeps because everytime I shut my eyes, her face would appear.  After a year since Jewel In The Palace, i finally get over Lee Young Ae. But I still in love with her. Hmmm.. teruk betul aku nih.

Kamen Rider Kabuto pun aku dah tamat tengok penghabisannya. Aku cuma rasa kecewa yang they seems rushing to end Kamen Rider Kabuto. Aku rasa Kamen Rider Kabuto masih boleh diteruskan jalan ceritanya.. at least a few more episodes and more solid ending.

J-Dorama Oshin muncul kembali di TV9. Wah.. really bring me back to memory lane. Cerita Jepun pertama dalam hidup aku.. selain dari Ultraman lah. Eheh. Masa aku kecik kecik dulu lah cerita nih kuar.. tapi sekarang bila tengok balik cerita nih, terasa cam sial jer tukang alih bahasanya. Tah hapa-hapa, tak pro langsung. Macam membaca pun ada... macam kayu pun ada.. cam mangkuk hayun pun ada. chet.. merosakkan mutu Oshin jer.

oi Umi chan... ada baik ka? Buat apa tuh.. sajer jenjalan carik makan ker? Kat ner sekarang..? Still kat oyak ker? Ekekekeke... semoga bahagia ler hendaknya.

Ah, last monday Indon ada gempa bumi lagi kan? Aku masa tuh tengah melepak kat umah tengok TV.. ye, tengah hari. Apa lagi.. cuti lah beb. Tengah sebok nengok TV, tetiba jer rasa tanah bergoyang. Lama gak.. dalam 2-3 minit dan repeated few times.. bergoyang in rounded motion, horizontally. Aku tak tahu ler camner rasa kat actual place... gegar camner tak dapat terbayang.. aku memula tuh masa goyang memula ingatkan lori hantu tengah merempit, tapi tak dengar plak bunyik sore serak2 basah lori hantu tuh memekik.. aku try tukar channel pi tengok berita.. tapi TV tempatan sebok dengan program biasak diorang. terlupa nak bukak CNN. Tapi aku pasti mesti indon gegar lagi punya lah. Biasalah.. Indon kan kuat goyang gerudi.. goyang punya goyang, bumi pun ikut goyang skali lah.. Har har har.

AKU SUKA HEROES. BEST GILER CITER OMPUTIH SATU NIH. GEMPAK NAK MAMPUS. HARAP CEPAT LAH MAMPUS MEREKA SUMER. SUPAYA AKU TAK LAGI ADDICT TENGOK HEROES LAGI. KAN DAH AKU TAK BLEH SABAR TUNGGU MINGGU DEPAN, SEBAB NAK TENGOK HEROES.

Hehehe.. giler jap. Alah cam tak biasa. Aku suka tengok effect terbang Nathan Petrelli. Pergh.. hebat. Dan the way dia landing, ekekek.. awesome. Watak heroes dalam ceriter heroes nih membuatkan aku membuat perbandingan dengan superheroes yang aku tahu. Nathan is more like X-Man Cannonball..Tak macam superman yang terbang seperti melawan graviti, Nathan launched to air like a cannonball. Adik dia, Peter Petrelli plak macam X-Maen's Rogue. Cuma bezanya he doesn't have to touch others to use their powers. Yang kelakarnya.. dari awal cerita nih, mamat nih mati mati ingat dia nyer power adalah terbang. Aku teringat power dia cam Rogue bila ada satu episode tuh dia sambung Isaac's pre-cog painting dan lukis gambar Claire Bennet ( punya Wolverine's healing factor) mati. Watak Niki plak.. aku tak pasti.. tapi macam Hulk? Split personallity? Heh. D.L pulak cam X-Men's Shadowcat.. Kitty something.. hehehe lupa nama minah tuh. Matt Parkman plak adalah telepath.. macam Prof. X dan Jean Grey lah..

Yang syok nyer tengok citer nih dari tengok citer Mutant X, heroes seperti watak superheroes dalam komik Marvel. Walaupun mereka superheroes, they are still human.. ah.. macam mana aku nak terangkan ye? Mutant X plak bagi aku bosan. Bila pertama kali aku tengok Mutant X.. aku teringat Misfit Of Science.. citer lama lah nih.. tapi bagi aku Misfit Of Science lagi best.

Heheh.. dah lama tak membebel nih.. sedar sedar dah panjang jer entri aku. Aku nak citer pasal pengalaman aku men Splinter Cell Double Agent.. Tapi nanti lah.. dah lewat nih.. aku nak sambung baca komik Princess Hours lagi. Muahahaha.. It's good to be back.


Si Pelarian swinging his LightSaber on 06:37 pm
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Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Masked Rider Kabuto madness

Assalamualaikum wbt,

Sepatutnya last week aku nak update something. Especially on how to install radioblog on your blogdrive account. But I'm too occupied with other things such as my new computer. Yes, MY NEW COMPUTER. Eheh. Well technically it's not mine. It's my sister's. My PC are so lame now so she given me a solution, by buying us a new PC. Muahahahaha.

Now both of us has been struck by Masked Rider Kabuto madness.  This is a very dangerous kind of sickness. Both of us has the symptoms and are terribly affacted by it.

Some of the symptoms are :-

1.> Keep looking for latest  Masked Rider Kabuto DVD and VCD

2.>Surfing webs for latest Masked Rider Kabuto spoilers, info and downloads.

3.>First time ever shopping online for Masked Rider Kabuto's soundtrack.

4.>Established ourself as online pirate, downloading Masked Rider Kabuto Motion Picture [God Speed Love] using torrent.. ah.. what a satisfaying feeling.

5.>Watching J-Dorama and hunting for the main characters of Masked Rider Kabuto apprearances whether as main or as supporting actor. Right now Mizushima Hiro ( Masked Rider Kabuto, Masked Rider Hyper Kabuto, Masked Rider Dark Kabuto) , apprearing in [ Gokusen 2 ] as the one who always wearing green T-Shirt and [ Brother Beat ] as second son's best friend , a fellow swimming instructor. He too skinny lah in this Dorama. And for Yuki Sato ( Masked Rider Gatack ) , he also appearing along side with Mizushima Hiro in [ Gokusen 2 ], also as supporting actor. And in [ A Litre of Tears ] as the main character's brother.

6.>Writing blogs about Masked Rider Kabuto. LOL. I'm also planning to make a design templete for Masked Rider Kabuto.

Right now I have watched up to episodes 36 ( DVD and VCD ) and have watched episode 37, 38, 39, 40, 41 which are viewed at YouTube and downloaded from Torrent. I also has watched the Hyper Battle Video, a 15 mins special feature of Hyper Kabuto and Hyper Gatack.

Ah, December is around the corner. Have you all register your prepaid service yet? Everyone is looking forward for next month. Alah, you know, bonus time. Eheh. Oh yeah, it remind me that I've been to long surfing the web. GTG. Bye.

 


Si Pelarian swinging his LightSaber on 01:37 pm
(1) makcik/pakcik membebel  

Friday, November 17, 2006
Come and check out my radioblog

At last my radioblog as functional as I want it to be. Please be reminded that all songs I have purchased it legally and I put it here as listening pleasure. From what I know using the flash player there is no way anybody could download any of my song.

Maybe next week I will write how to install ur own radioblog on blogdrive.


Si Pelarian swinging his LightSaber on 05:17 pm
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Thursday, November 16, 2006
radioblog

As'kum.

Har Har Har.. aku berjaya gak untuk letak radioblog dalam blog aku nih.. Sekarang nih aku dalam usaha nak menambah lagu2 dan playlist untuk aku punya listening pleasure.

Thank you for the sifus at radioblog forum who are working hard just to let newbies like me to understand and successfully install our radioblog on our pages. Kudos.


Si Pelarian swinging his LightSaber on 01:36 pm
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Tuesday, November 14, 2006
Kamen Rider Kabuto

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Hari ni aku curik tulang nak meng'ejas'kan aku nyer blog. Ala yang korang tengah baca nih. Aku nak letak radio blog dimana korang terutamanya aku lah.. mendengar lagu2 yang aku minat. Apa korang minat aku tak fhedulik.. tapi kalau ada request dan kebetulan aku pun minat sama.. akan aku pertimbang-timbangkan.

Adik aku pun dah tergila dengan Masked Rider Kabuto. heh.. hebat betul aku nih mempengaruhi orang ye? Maybe aku patut tukar kerjaya aku ke Sales plak aa.. mana tau berjaya dengan cemerlang plak ke.. Hehehe..


Si Pelarian swinging his LightSaber on 09:14 am
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Friday, November 03, 2006
My Hero My Boss - Japanese Drama

Muahahahaha....

Intro kuwang Hajor aku.. Assalamualaikum wbt untuk pengunjung tetap dan yang tak tetap.

Aku baru jer habis tengok drama Jepun bertajuk My Hero My Boss. Citer nih diangkat dari filem Korea dari tajuk yang sama. Drama nih dibintangi oleh

 Nagase Tomoya sebagai Sakaki Makio,

 Tegushi Yuya sebagai Sakurakauji Jun,

 Aragaki Yui sebagai Umemura Hikari, dan

 Kashii Yuu sebagai Minami Yuriko, cikgu kelas Sakaki Makio.

Gambar2 diatas antara intro drama nih.

adegan dimana Makio try untuk elakkan dirinya ditanya soalan oleh cikgu yang mengajar dengan membuat muka garang. Eheh.

Drama nih aku rekemen kat sumer orang... best ooo.. ekekek.. <-- gile


 


Si Pelarian swinging his LightSaber on 04:15 pm
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Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Kamen Rider Kabuto

Woh.

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Lama cuti.. yey... Sejak menjak kaki aku berbalut akibat ligament koyak (pergh.. injured cam sportman lah), aku banyak lepak-lepak kat umah sampai la nih nak balik keje punya lah malas. Sepanjang-panjang masa injury..aku abiskan masa aku dengan tengok DVD2 aku termasuklah mother of all korean drama iaitu Dae Jang Geum (sekali lagi??? )

Aku ada pertanyaan untuk korang yang selalu pegi S&M untuk beli drama korean/jepun. Skang nih S&M dah takder lagi kedai2 jual drama Korea/Jepun korang pergi mana huh nak beli bender nih sumer?

Hari tuh aku turun ke Low Yat Plaza untuk cari anime ngan citer Jepun&Korean sebab frust dengan S&M. Akhirnya aku berjaya dapat tahu camner nak dapatkan citer Korea dengan harga teramat murah. Ini bukan pirate punya CD ye.. Ini original (mungkin imported) DVD 9 punya boxset. Jewel In The Palace complete set aku beli dulu campur campur skali budget around RM300++ tapi DVD 9 nih cuma RM80 jerk. 4 DVD 9. Fuh.. aku rasa nyesal plak beli DVD set aku dulu. heh. Tapi takper.. sebab aku beli Winter Sonata dengan harga RM40 jer.... Aku rasa lagi bagus beli DVD 9 dari beli VCD set.. pertama sebab rege mahal nak mampus (RM150++) dan kedua kualiti gambar untuk VCD tak berapa best.

Aku sekarang nih tengah demam Masked Rider. Heh.. Lepas aku tengok Masked Rider Hibiki , aku sekarang nih tengah ikut plak citer Masked Rider Kabuto.

kabuto picture

Heronya bernama Sauji Tendau dilakunkan oleh Hiro Mizushima

Tendou

Aku tak mo cakap banyak pasal Kabuto nih.. korang google sendirik lah ye pasal Masked Rider yang terbaru nih.. Aku rekemen giler citer nih.. Actually bagi aku this Kamen Rider better than Ryuki and Faiz.

Okey lah.. aku nak blah nih... Salam Bahagia dan Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir Dan Batin ( esok buat balik aaaa ). Okey lah.. Adios... Rider Kick !!!!!

Rider Kick


Si Pelarian swinging his LightSaber on 11:54 am
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Wednesday, May 31, 2006
The Dave Thorpe Dating Theory.

This Article I found at somethingawful.com. Very informative for boys who loves girls. Heh. Funny in funny kind of way. Well, it doesn't hurt to try.. right? RIGHT?? Heh.


The Dave Thorpe Dating Theory


Another lonely night?

Are you alone? Lacking confidence? Misogynist? Poorly-dressed? Broke? Terrified of women? Do you panic in social situations? Are you a shrill, greasy nebbish with nothing to offer a sane woman except unreasonable sexual demands and the occasional couchbound evening of watching Doctor Who and eating mustard straight from the jar with a five-cent comb?

What would you say if I told you that you could, right now, even as we speak, be strutting around town with a gorgeous woman on each arm? I will momentarily pardon and entertain your disbelief, squire. How could a nobody like you hope to entertain even one woman, much less two or more? How could such a dismal effort at humanity even speak to a woman without getting his acne slapped off? The answer is simple: The Dave Thorpe Dating Theory.

For over three and a half weeks, The Dave Thorpe Dating Theory (TDTDT for short, or just DTDT, or in some sectors, "The Megamethod") has been the foremost dating and relationship guide on the internet. By taking in TDTDT's advice on the ancient art of the pick-up, you shall never again want for female company, even if you've had little or no luck in the past. That is The Dave Thorpe Guarantee (TDTG).

Step One: Confidence!


Believe in Yourself!
Confidence is not merely your attitude toward yourself, it is also your attitude toward women. Before you can get out of the house and start possessing and discarding every woman you lay your eyes upon, you must inflate your own ego to ridiculous proportions while at the same time whittling away your opinion of women until you see them as nothing more than cairns of painted stones.

You can never impress a woman if you don't impress yourself. By memorizing the following simple principles, even a pathetic creature like you can shake off his crippling social anxiety and fear of rejection. Once these four principles have been fully internalized, you will be ready to delude yourself into believing that you are worthwhile to women!

Principle One: You Are Great
Sure, you may be a shambling, sloth-like virgin, but it's not your fault that women have thus far failed to love you. It is the fault of the absence of TDTDT in your life. It is also the fault of women, who are too stupid to realize how great you are. You are a desirable specimen of maleness, and you are entitled to any woman in the world. Any rejections you have suffered in the past are due to women failing to recognize your genius.

Principle Two: Women Owe You Sex
At the dawn of man, Eve was created from one of Adam's ribs. This means two things: first of all, men were here first, and therefore we own the place and we make the rules. Secondly, women owe their existence to men, despite this jive they try to lay on us about being the mystical mothers of the earth and whatnot. Women are still paying off this biblical debt to us, so any woman who refuses your masculine advances will go to hell. Don't be shy about reminding them!

Principle Three: Women Don't Care How You Look
It is a little-known fact that women are far more impressed with confidence than they are with physical attractiveness. Don't sweat it if you're no Valentino; as long as you exude an air of smugness and self-satisfaction, women will literally eat out of your hand. In fact, you might as well not even hold yourself to a minimum standard of public presentability. Showing up to a nightclub filthy and unshaven in an open bathrobe just proves that you are too confident to care about your appearance. Combing your hair with the same comb that you use for eating mustard will give you a roguish, shabby quality. Women will be intrigued!

Principle Four: Women Are Not Complicated
It's an oft-repeated stereotype that men are simple and women are complicated. Untrue! Many men think of women as pianos: beautiful, expensive, and difficult to play. In fact, just the opposite is true: women are like harmonicas you simply blow in one end and sound comes out the other! A woman is basically made up of two parts: the head part, containing the sense receptors which allow her to be impressed by your confidence, and the lady part, which is the part you get to interact with once you've properly impressed her head part (they have a third part, the hair, which is largely irrelevant to the dating process).

Step Two: Speaking to Women


Speaking with Women
Now that your spirit has been invigorated with misbegotten confidence, it is time to start talking to women. Don't be nervous! If you stammer and stutter and use the words "and stuff," women will instantly place you in the "friend category," which means that they will never speak to you again. Within two seconds of seeing you, a woman already knows whether or not she will ever date you, so your best bet is to make those two seconds as intriguing or enjoyable for her as possible. Remember to always sneak up on women; otherwise, they might spot you and decide not to date you before you can wow them with confidence.

Principle One: Your "Game Name"
A man cannot attract women if he has an unattractive name. Since the first step in meaningful interaction with any new woman is a simple introduction, you must ensure that she does not giggle at your name. If you happen to be burdened with a particularly dull name like Donald Hockenberry or even an abjectly humiliating one like Tad Coward, feel free to embellish your name a little. When coming up with your "Game Name," try to make it a subconscious reference to your physical endowments or your sexual expertise. Try the following on for size:

  • Dick Prowess
  • Peter Largest
  • Stone Bonner
  • Hugo Rodney
  • Now that your introduction has raised a few eyebrows and perhaps incited a few gasps, it's time to move on to the most important element of seducing women.

    Principle Two: The Pick-up Line
    The best way to dazzle a woman into tolerating you is with a clever pick-up line. When most people think of pick-up lines, they imagine corny come-ons like "you must be an angel, because you are invited to my pants." While there is a time and a place for such banter, TDTDT conforms to the more subtle view that everything you say to a woman until you have sex with her is a pick-up line. The key to talking to women is to present yourself as a mysterious, confident, and appealing individual. Here are some proven-effective pick-up lines to try out during your next babe encounter:

  • At a bar or nightclub, bump right into a woman and knock the drink out of her hand. When she objects, look right past her and say "I'm trained not to see beautiful women, because they might distract me from my mission." This sounds mysterious! Who trained you? Are you a spy? Is she involved in a mysterious rendezvous with a suave secret agent? She'll want to know more, and it's also a great opportunity to buy her a new drink.

  • Women love sensitive men, but that doesn't mean you should be a mushy crybaby. Tell her something emotionally vulnerable, but do so in a masculine and assertive way. For example, you might say "you remind me of my dead mother, but you've got bigger breasts."

  • Women love men with a good sense of humor! Making a joke at a woman's expense is the perfect way to showcase your natural charisma while retaining the upper hand. Beware: if you make a joke about something that a woman is insecure about, like her weight, she may just think you're a jerk! Instead, think of something wrong with her that she might not even know about, like her lumpy shoulders or her mule-like laugh.

  • Pick-up lines from classic literature show a woman that you're a cultured gentleman. Avoid using lines from Shakespeare, as it may be considered pretentious and effete. Instead, consider reciting this classic erotic invitation from Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird: "Come here, nigger, and bust up this chiffarobe. I got a nickel for you."

  • At this point, unless you're doing something entirely idiotic, you should have a woman's rapt attention. Now comes the tricky, secret bit!

    Principle Three: Ignoring Her
    After you've instilled a woman with a sense of awe about your greatness, make an excuse to leave her for a while. Find a location which affords a good view of your quarry, park yourself there, and studiously ignore her. Try to discreetly determine whether she is occasionally glancing at you (in order to do this, you may have to stare at her, which is tricky to do while ignoring her). The objective is to make her realize how empty and uncomfortable she feels without you; it also proves to her that you are better than her, and can easily run off and forget about her on a whim. Ignoring a woman is a key factor in asserting your dominance early in the game. Remember that women are attracted to males with power and status, and paying attention to a woman only serves to bring you down to her level. "If he is willing to debase himself by giving me, a lowly woman, the time of day," she might say, "he is surely not a male with power and status."

    Make sure to ignore her for at least half an hour. If she leaves while you are still ignoring her, follow her while continuing to ignore her. After she has begun to panic about your absence, return to her and begin to stimulate her sensual cues.

    Principle Four: A Woman's Sensual Cues


    Touching Women
    The science of attracting women is no mystery. Women have inbuilt cues and triggers which can be manipulated at will by anybody willing to take the time to learn TDTDT. Careful management of the sensual cues will show a woman that you are a sexual being, and therefore she will not put you in the dreaded and inescapable "friend category," where you will forever languish unlaid, suffering the tedious friendship of the inferior sex.

    Sensual Cue #1: Touch Stimulus
    Though their brains are less developed than those of men, women are blessed with central nervous systems comparable to ours. As such, classy touching of a woman's sensitive areas during conversation can catapult you into the stratospheres of guaranteed non-friendship. Do not be too forward with your groping and probing; only attempt to stimulate a woman by touch if you have built up an acceptable comfort level. Here are some gentle and inoffensive ways to touch a woman:

  • Brush her hair back if it falls into her eyes, or if she is vomiting.
  • Lean past her to signal the bartender and scratch her face with your stubble.
  • Grasp and claw at her knees while telling an interesting anecdote.
  • Punch any man who tries to talk to her, and graze her with your fist as you do so.
  • Blow your nose in her hair.
  • Above all, be classy. While staring at a woman's bosom during conversation may be acceptable, seizing it without asking permission is not!

    Sensual Cue #2: Male Musk
    "Musk" is the scent that accumulates in bureau drawers and wardrobes in poorly-ventilated rooms due to dampness and an accumulation of mold spores. Make sure to wear clothes that have been put away in moldy drawers for at least three months before going out and engaging women in TDTDT seduction. Accumulating a proper musk can provoke violent sneezing in some particularly allergic women, and scientists have often told us that a sneeze is somewhat like a less powerful orgasm. It's practically foreplay!

    Sensual Cue #3: The Smooth Voice
    No man can be a true Casanova without carefully cultivating his Smooth Voice. Luckily, you may have practiced it already without knowing it. Have you ever, in the comfort of your own home, spoken for extended periods of time in your "Darth Vader Voice?" This is exactly the same as the Smooth Voice. Simply make your voice as low and booming as possible and affect a vaguely British accent. Breathe heavily, and speak in a slow and deliberate cadence as if ordering the destruction of a planet. If anyone asks you why you are speaking this way, order their destruction.

    Step Three: Breaking Up with Women

    If you have followed the preceding steps properly, you are reading this document after having sexual intercourse with a woman, and you are now wondering how to ensure that you never have to see her or speak with her again. Much like every word you speak to a woman prior to having sex with her is a pick-up line, every word you speak to a woman after you have sex with her is a break-up line.

    After committing a sex act, women often believe that it is tacitly assumed that you have entered a relationship with them. Sometimes you will get lucky, particularly if you are quite bad at having sex, and a woman will abandon this assumption and leave you alone immediately. However, in most cases it will be necessary to break up with a woman in order to avoid becoming entangled in a relationship. Relationships are the enemy of TDTDT, because they forbid you from advancing up the attractiveness ladder until you have eventually bedded The Most Attractive Woman in the World, after which it is safe to either enter a relationship or die. If you get particularly lucky and wind up having sex with The Most Attractive Woman in the World your first time out, feel free to skip this next section and attempt to impregnate her or kill yourself, or both, or vice versa.

    There are three ways to break up with women; all of them are equally effective. The choice is yours:


    The Breakup
    Method #1: Passive Aggressive

    Attempt to make both her and yourself as miserable as possible until she decides to leave you. The advantage to this is that since you're the one who was dumped, you can play it for sympathy with your friends and family, and you might even be able to wheedle out of work for a day or two if your boss is the caring sort. The disadvantage is that this process can take up to fifty years and often involves marriage.

    Method #2: The Direct Approach
    Although it can be difficult to say, it is possible to simply tell a woman that you have broken up with her and leave it at that. She will have little recourse for refusal. The advantage is that it is immediate and very difficult to misunderstand. The disadvantage is that it doesn't work if you're a coward, which you probably are.

    Method #3: Lying
    If I had to endorse only one method of breaking up, it would almost certainly be this one. Not only is this a great way to end a relationship, but it is also a perfect opportunity to work on your "lying game," which can be very useful in crafting pick-up lines. It is also fairly fool-proof, since the worst that can happen if she catches on to your lie is that she will break up with you. To exercise this option, simply make up a reason why you can't see her ever again. Here are some examples:

  • My home planet needs me.
  • I am moving to a country where women are illegal.
  • I am about to die (as soon as I hang up the phone).
  • I intend to have sex with other women (not necessarily a lie).
  • You tried to kill me in your sleep.
  • I won the lottery and you are no longer good enough for me.
  • Congratulations, child. You are now equipped to bed and discard each and every woman in the entire world, with time and the ravages of age being the only objects to this goal.




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